Happy New Year 2016

Happy 2016! As I reflect upon this past year, I realize that it has all been about one thing: taking a step back to breathe.

Mama’s passing took it out of me in many ways and much of the year was spent dealing with the fact that she would not be here anymore and that I no longer had to caregive at the level I had done with my dad and siblings for the past few years. For many many weeks, I still woke up at every noise and every few minutes to “check” on Mama. I didn’t really know how to fill the hours when it was “my” day to take care of her.

Carmen was a woman who screamed and shouted for much of this time about how “I want my life back” and how all I did was live out of the boxes…so once I made the decision to STAY at the Ranch and take care of my dad and familia, I even shocked myself. Somewhere along the way, my priorities not only shifted, they completely changed.

My former life had no room for family, friends, or even me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my work and all of my activities and was shocked when this work could no longer sustain and motivate me. In my business, aside from knowing your stuff, you really have to have the drive to push yourself forward to work it, if you want to succeed. Anything less is not enough. I’m sure that it’s like this everywhere but broadcasting is different, the stakes always feel higher, it’s a very small world and the ups and downs in our industry are dramatic to say the least!
6 months into the year, I parted ways with my stations and, instead of feeling devastated, I felt a little bit of relief. I needed something and I needed to find out just what that was.

Now I realize that the past 6 months have been about taking care of me, something I haven’t really ever done. I’m finally listening to my mother and all of the times she used to tell me to take care of myself and to let others help me. This new attitude has made me much stronger emotionally and I make better decisions these days. Family is who is there for you when you cannot be there for yourself; the family foundation is what grounds you as you try to find your way.

There is no room in my life for negative drama; there is no room in my life for anyone who is out there trying to disrupt me by harassing my friends and family. I intend to keep moving forward from this madness that has nothing to do with me anymore and everything to do with how this person deals with, or doesn’t deal with life’s challenges. I can, and will, have my life on my terms, not on anyone else’s. It’s all about standing up for myself, my peace of mind and keeping the important stuff close to my heart and more private for now.

2016 will be about embracing the important things in life: hanging out with Daddy, being with my familia, enjoying all of the #TorresBabies, working out (we finally brought in the exercise bike LOL), getting back to church, being around positive people, situations, and projects in that order.

My wish for you in 2016 is that you find and embrace all that will make you laugh, make you happy, healthy, and successful.

Inner Chingona: Thanks for 2013! On to 2014!

While the first half of 2013 had me going thru the fire daily getting my personal and legal issues resolved.   The second half of the year, thankfully, was much more stable and peaceful.   

For the first time in many years, I have had to embrace major change, a fuerzas, in all areas of my life.   I feel like I live my life on a schedule for everything these days LOL, with things mapped out for the first time in a long time.   I completely depended upon schedules to keep me on track emotionally especially so that I could get thru some very dark days.  Living on a schedule has really helped me to be able to take care of the things that I need to like my job, my finances, and taking care of my folks, while at the same time, think about how I want to start over and live my life again.

After so many months of insomnia, stress, and drama;  I am so grateful for the very simple things in life:  getting a good night’s sleep, waking up knowing that I’m ok and that my loved ones are safe, grateful for my job where I’m learning and growing professionally every day.   While I can never forget, I remain convinced that the only way that I will move forward is to practice forgiveness and gratitude.   It may sound so cliché but when you go thru something traumatic, it is so comforting and energizing to hold on to the very simple and basic things to help you as you recreate your life.

Simply put…I am thankful for all that has happened to me.  I will accept and appreciate the fact that my life was blown up and shattered into millions of pieces and I will embrace the fact that I have been able to persevere and, dare I say it, THRIVE thru all of the madness.  I have learned that the only way to get thru anything and to put the pieces of my life back together is to walk thru it, eyes wide open.   I’m excited to live my life being honest with myself/others and to have my own back, that is, I will never, ever, ever hand myself, my self-worth or esteem over to any job, any project, or anyone else ever again así nomas.

Also beyond thankful that my parents and bonus parents are here with me after overcoming major health issues this year…love it that you are doing better every day Mama as well as our Ita!

 

Said goodbye to:  Four great women:  cousin Jennifer Rafanan Teal, bonus aunt Josefina “JoJo” Perez, event mentor Terry Alderete, fam friend Elvia Cortez

Said hello to:  our new bebito King Alexander

Celebrated:  Mama doing great!  Ita doing great!  Papito David’s 1^st Communion,  Little Bea’s wedding, Summer fun with our Torres littles, Mikey III and Amy’s wedding, our Yazi’s first day of school, catching up with my Radio Fam this year at the KWIN/KWG/KCVR Reunions, putting on my first-ever solo event,  helping my CCgirl get college-bound, connecting with fam friends, my first year in Radio Sales

Looking forward to: 

1. Staying  connected to my familia and to continue to be there for my ‘old school’
2. Making my overall health a priority and to take this lonja down! LOL
3. Learning more about my industry and learning how to grow my business.
4. Studying and passing the State Bilingual Interpreter Exam…I was so close this time around!
5. Remaining positive as I recreate a new life for myself
6. Repeating my all-time fav quote as often as need be:  “Si me caigo por pendeja…me levanto por chingona!”

Looking forward to continued peace in my life and wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Great 2014!    Carmen:)