My “Crackberry” … Broken Heart and Life In Pieces

As I write today’s entry, I see that it is one of my very best friend’s birthday, Rosa Salinas, may she rest in peace.  Rosa had a huge heart and had a lot of love to give … too bad she gave more love to the wrong person instead of herself … I still have trouble understanding why/how she decided to leave this earth without saying goodbye and without realizing her full potential.    Like lots of comadre-friends, Rosa and I were always talking about guys and about what it would be like when we found ‘the one’…I hope she’s found him wherever she may be…

I think back to the very few times where I’ve been in love or in like with someone…I don’t fall in or out of love that easily…but I have been thinking about how much easier falling in or out of love was when the world wasn’t so cyber-connected.   Thinking back to a time when my world would be completely turned out by a phone call or a love letter!  I still smile when I remember certain phone calls and, yes,  I have saved every letter that I’ve ever had and, yes, there are a few very nice love letters in that mix.   Who still has love letters?  I know that some youngsters do not even KNOW what a letter is, if you can believe that… Eventually, these relationships were over and it always took me a good while to get over this or that person … most times, it was distance that made it easier as I was always moving around and, sometimes, they just had to get out of my system in their own time.

Y ahora?  But NOW?

Try forgetting a man with email, cell phone, texts, Pandora, You Tube, Facebook … como fregados se puede hacer?  And if you are anything like me, all of my business is up there in my Blackberry AKA my Crackberry (according to my mamitas Nikki and CC)…I, who go NOWHERE without it except for yesterday, I did try it and went for an hour walk and did NOT take the Crackberry with me … drove everyone crazy when I didn’t answer the phone until I got back to the car …but I was able to walk off some of my stress and pick up at least one piece of my broken heart.  But I have to be honest, there were days when I would be on the lookout for a text, or an email, or a missed call from him – and then there were days when I would have the complete opposite reaction to a text, an email, or a missed call … usually with some type of cuss word in front of my thought along with a sigh of exasperation.

Maybe the key to mending a broken heart is to DISCONNECT even for a while … it forces me to think about how great everything was, and to be more realistic to how bad everything was too, it forces me to LISTEN to my soul which is sad and is crying about 24/7 inside these days and allow myself to figure out what I want for my life…

But, many times, I choose to distract myself from dealing with my mess by checking my email, and re-reading certain emails, getting on Facebook, putting on Pandora or You Tube and hearing certain songs/seeing certain videos sure to get me all melancolica again.   I’ve always been one to completely trust my tears, they may not come at the most opportune moments, but when they do come, it’s my most authentic self coming to the surface and getting all of that stress, sadness and negativity OUT.

So my ‘tarea’ homework is to try to disconnect for about an hour a day and NOT get all crazy trying to react to my Crackberry but to be proactive and use this time to take care of the broken pieces that make up my life these days … so if I don’t respond to a Facebook status or message, email, text, or phone call asi de volada, that is, within seconds … no need to freak out … Carmen is getting herself back together again, and if I happen to be walking…then I’m also losing part of my lonja and extra poundage LOL…my life, as always, is a work in progress…looking forward to closure happening sooner rather than later … and also looking forward to the day when I can enjoy listening to something besides talk radio and traffic reports and not jumping out of my skin every time I hear the little alert alarm telling me that I have an email, text message, or missed call LOL

One thought on “My “Crackberry” … Broken Heart and Life In Pieces

  1. Love ya Carmen! This post was great! You know everything in life happens for a reason. The things that we desire most always come into our lives when we expect them the least. Let go and live for yourself, be happy and proud of everything you have now & the missing peices of the puzzle will fall into place! Miss you friend!

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