My life has been so so so full of complications and drama for the past 6 months…I had been trying to keep that lid on tight, to try and control people and events, to try and keep it all together.
Now that it has all fallen apart, there is an absolute sense of RELIEF and hope that RENEWAL is on the way for me as long as I take a minute to RELAX and attempt to put the pieces of my life back together.
I noticed how crazy my life had become when I saw the state of my affairs: my familia never seeing me; small details falling thru the cracks; a library fine in double-digits because I didn’t make the time to return what I had borrowed; the interior of my car in an absolute state of disarray because I didn’t make the time to clear it out; the exterior of my car puro filth and difficult to see out of the windows because I didn’t make the time to wash it; and on and on…it has been said that the physical state of your surroundings definitely mirror your mental state…true!
Got up and washed the ‘jaripeo’ (rodeo) dirt and dust from the car and started to feel better as I rinsed the car down, washed each side, rinsed the soap off of the car, dried the windows and the car … maybe I will need to approach my life in this manner for the immediate future: making sure that I make time to take care of my personal tasks and life, thinking about the choices that I’ve made and how to be smarter next time around, and trying to get back to my positive, ‘mevalemadre’, motivated, energetic self.
The key for me will be to keep it simple, keep it basic, and not to be afraid of the number zero … instead of thinking that zero is an end, I will think of zero as a number with no beginning and no end, one that will always allow me to embrace change and to not live in fear of changing things up in my life when I need to do so, one that will allow me to live my life with my ‘mevalemadre’ attitude intact so that I can get back to the person I am meant to me, the person that I have always have been!
I dedicate this post to you RA – one of my colleagues who described me as ‘chingona’ on a day where I felt anything but chingona … and I think of that day now with a smile KNOWING that I will be back!