I suppose it’s like anything so new … you feel completely out of place, like nothing is really clicking., like you are in a huge learning curve. But learning to do what? learning to like what? learning to be what? It really feels like I haven’t gotten my groove yet…like I don’t belong here, there, or anywhere.
I was asking BFF how to deal with the fact that I feel so out of sorts/ ‘sacada de onda’. I was promptly told to get my butt back into writing – no matter what it is, no matter if it’s good or not, that writing always seemed to center me.
I’ve had to write so many things lately that take me back to my dark days of 2012 that I was beginning to lose sight of the benefit that writing does for me. Brings me back to earth and brings me back the power that I so easily gave away and am trying to get back…
I have been in what I call a rage lately because of all of the craziness in my life and now that I’m having to relive bad situations as I try to move forward – I have the best circle of famfriends who write the most amazing things to get me motivated and thought you’d like to see how a couple of them ‘keep it real’ for me always…
Famfriend #1 “The rage you are experiencing right now is your inner self chomping at the bit to speak your truth that has been held down for such a long time. Don’t hold back when your moment comes to speak. This is the moment where you get to show the world the real, powerful you that you are. You will never be the same again once you have passed that threshold. It is a purification and a reclamation of yourself as someone worthy of respect, love and happiness. Your rage is righteous…I’m sure it feels quite intimidating and, at the same time, it is one of the most powerful experiences of your life.”
Famfriend #2 “like u, yo soy como un perro con un hueso if u f#$% with me; had to learn that s%^& way back when, when i wuz gettin’ my ass kicked in my place of employment and at times while in the world. NEVER acceptable to be oppressed or regarded as less as human; at least not here and not today.”
This is how I KNOW that I will eventually be ‘ok’ and that I am, most def, on my way back to keeping up with Inner Chingona!
My life, as always, is a work in progress. Blessed.