Working My Way Back: A birthday impossible to forget…impossible to celebrate.

cake face

Part of getting over a crazy situation is having to deal with feelings backing up on you.  My feelings are all over the place right now….

So hard to believe that it was about a year ago that I was planning on how I was going to help him celebrate his birthday.  Half of me wanted to go absolutely crazy for the occasion as things had been going so well…we were almost inseparable.   The other half of me was telling myself to NOT get too crazy…maybe he wasn’t that into birthdays…you never know.  I opted to go for simple and I remember he was very touched and it was a very nice day/night.

I’m one who NEVER forgets these types of details…I may not be a huge gift-giver but I do like to remember and celebrate important people in my life.  I’ve always been that way…

Who would have thought that, for these past few months, I would be remembering and “celebrating” his birthdate ad nauseam as I needed to provide information to law enforcement as I made report after report for all of the ‘gifts’ this man wanted to bestow on me:  embarrassment, anger, non-stop worrying, stress, fear, disgust, humiliation and so much more…

So now I’m between crying from sadness, nostalgia and grief to shaking my head and doing that short, loud, and dismissive ‘hmmmmph’ sound all loud and muttering ‘que se vaya mucho a la chin…’ from one minute to the next.

I am sooo waiting for the day when this will be just a day like any other and not one filled with so much conflicting emotion…aaaaay.

Working My Way Back…slowly but surely.

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