Working My Way Back: Inner Chingona vs. Inner Chillona


Got some news yesterday that sent me off the edge for a minute. News that seems so unfair that threatens to mess up all of the good work that I have done to work my way back from the worst year of my life.

What would Inner Chingona do? Inner Chingona has done a LOT of talking to me and basically screaming in my face to be PROACTIVE, to WORK IT, to NEVER GIVE UP, and to NOT give up my mind, body and soul to anyone who doesn’t deserve it and who does not think that I am ready to work for it. Basically, Inner Chingona advises me to keep on keeping on and to shut Inner Chillona the hell up.

What would Inner Chillona do? Inner Chillona had me crying for a minute, freaking out, telling me that ‘that’s it, it’s over’, that all of the work I’ve done in the past few months has meant nothing. Inner Chillona tells me to put my head down and take whatever happens to me, to do more than step back, to stop my changes and to let events happen as they will.

At this moment, Inner Chingona is winning the battle, thank God. There is NO way that I will give up anything about me without a fight. If there is anything that I have learned in the last year, it is to really take my life by the reins and to do things my way, al que no le gusta, a mi me vale madre. I take responsibility for my mistakes and for picking myself up — NO MORE giving someone or something that power! It’s very empowering to finally say it … and, more important, to actually believe it.

So it’s time for me to keep on keeping on, for getting my ‘mevalemadre’ attitude back where it needs to be, to keep working toward the balance of doing good work, handling projects that excite me, passing the State Exam, being there with and for my familia, and to let Inner Chillona out when I need a good cry but ensure that Inner Chingona is very much present so that I can work thru these setbacks instead of letting the setbacks define me.



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