As I sit here writing, I am, of course, listening to music. A song just came on, a very beautiful song that, for a very long time, I was unable to listen to without feeling CELOS/jealous big time!
You see, this song was about someone HE had loved and could not have … it burned when I heard it, when he would turn the song up in the car, when his eyes would stare into space, when he would become lost in his thoughts for 3 minutes or so. WHAT was he thinking about? WHO was he thinking about? WHY did it bother me so much?
You know how folks say women have a seventh sense? (Men have to have this sense as well)…We pick up on the subtlest of things and I just KNEW in my hearts of hearts that this was not any of the songs that he had dedicated to me – although he swore to me that ‘it was nothing, I just like that song’ mmm hmmm. I suppose I would really be mad had we not shared any songs — I have my share of songs from him LOL.
For the most part, I have never been one of those jealous women. I’m so outgoing and I’m always talking to people …so I rarely get into jealousy-mode. I smile now as I think of how jealous I used to get — like I had control of his thoughts or of his memories. I never told him … it was like I did not want to go there, to hear it, to have my ‘celos’ jealousy confirmed in his face, I was embarrassed.
There’s no way, no matter how we try, to control anyone’s thoughts or memories. At least I don’t think so…especially as I, too, have my thoughts and memories. I would hate it if I were constantly under that microscope of jealousy, of constantly being questioned about my past…wait a minute, I was there and it was so NOT for me.
It’s all about keeping things in perspective: whatever has happened in the past has nothing to do with you so why waste the energy tripping out and ruining your present and, possibly, your future? I guess that I’ll have to remember this if I am ever again confronted with a man lost in his memories. Let’s just hope that the songs are not any of ‘mine’ LOL
By the way, here’s the song, jealousy over, it’s a great song…