For the past 6 months, I’ve been actively searching, searching for a safe place, searching for a place that I can completely be myself. So much changes have taken place in a very short time, and, while I’m not completely down and out, I still feel very raw, very sad, very lost, and very much like a person on the outside looking in to my life.
I did not want to leave my comfort zone of the past 10 years or so, did not want to leave what I had known, what I had worked for, what I considered the perfect situation.
Turns out that God thinks otherwise … turns out that I need to be out of my comfort zone, turns out that I need to learn new things, turns out that I just may have grown out of ‘the perfect situation’.
I reverted to what I call, the dark side of ‘keep on keeping on’ — always moving fast, always needing to fill the time, always staying focused on being “on”, keeping busy, and leaving anything unfinished to the side.
Then again, in some ways, I’ve always been one to go for it, to take a chance, to make a move: to new cities, new jobs, new friends, new opportunities … maybe my new challenge is to learn how to stay still, to enjoy how things look in the light of day and in the dark of night instead of just stopping when the growing pains feel like they are too much to handle and wanting to “keep things like they always were” when things get crazy…
Most definitely, it is time to embrace all that is new, yet at the same time, familiar, in my life. I don’t think that I will be happy in any new place, new job, new situation if I do not learn how to embrace these changes instead of always wanting to run away from them.
Bottom line: no new starts without taking care of my unfinished business in all areas of my life … the search for the perfect place and special space continues…