Working My Way Back: Am I Brave or Pendeja?

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Said ‘yes’ to doing a favor for a good friend today. This favor required me to go very very near a place that I had “forbidden” myself to enter … after all that had happened to me in the past year, I didn’t really want to have to be in a place where I’d have to relive things all over again.

However, instead of being a bad thing, it was very liberating! Reminded me that I should not and will not avoid the places and people whom I love just because I am “supposed to not go there”. Yes, certain situations were unpleasant, certain stupid decisions were made, sure I was “pendeja” a time or two (or three or four or five)! It’s all about keeping things in perspective though…because before the bad stuff came down, there was a lot of good too.

My friend was genuinely happy to see me and vice-versa…we got to reconnect while I helped her out…but doing this favor allowed me to so something more important: to realize that, I can go anywhere I want, anytime I want–within reason, of course. That it is very brave to allow oneself to heal, and very brave to take those first few shaky steps into a familiar place where, although you know your way around, you are unsure of what is right around the corner – a ‘known’ unknown if you will.

It’s a great feeling to know that my sense of “aventada-ness” is most def coming back strong, it’s great to find the confidence to get my ish together, to feel the power of working myself back, to feel brave. I need to keep listening to my Inner Chingona, work it and to recognize that this will forever be my challenge: to recognize that it is a very thin line between being brave and being pendeja/stupid.

Live your life and don’t forget to have your own back!

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