I was at my class yesterday evening where we were discussing the importance of taking care of yourself FIRST. Ya’ll know how hard that this can be and, depending on how overwhelmed you feel, you can be in class thinking, ‘yeah whatever, sounds good but you don’t know my life’ as things can sound like one big cliché.
And then there are those moments where the lessons and words hit you right in the face dripping with truth! This happened to me yesterday as I began to talk about this experience or other … the details aren’t so much important as is the fact that I “got it” and I could feel my piece of the world move a little.
What did I “get”? The absolute powerful feeling that I, for the first time in a very long time, put myself FIRST and either stood up for myself and/or took personal responsibility for some pendejada or another.
It is so liberating to recognize that there are certain things that make me ‘right’, that I need and want for myself … and these things cost little or nothing: I finally made it a huge priority to take time to WRITE. I used to always try to push it aside, that it was a hobby, that it wasn’t really that big of a thing to block out time to do. Fast forward to now…at some point during each and every day, I go somewhere where the AC is blasting, put on the headphones, find some good music and write something every day…ya’ll may not see it right away as, many times, it’s in bits and pieces.
I’ve also decided that I will try to live with as little drama as possible — that’s a 24/7 job LOL but I found that, once I stood up for myself on a personal level, that life has become easier.
Take tonight for example. After a long and difficult day at work, I get to the Ranch to make dinner for my parents. My fam will tell you that, some days, I get there and I’m all stressed out and don’t know exactly what I want, but I don’t want to be there doing anything.
Well, after my breakthrough at class yesterday. It was over 100 degrees on the drive home, but I decided to 1) let Mom know that, hell yes, it’s hot and while I’m tired, I want to do dinner for them and then I’m off to study/write. JUST saying it like that started the evening off on a positive and totally took any rage/anger/frustration I might have felt down a bunch of notches. Why?
Because I HAD MY OWN BACK. I love making sure my folks are taken care of, and, while I’m no chef, I love cooking for them versus fast-fooding it. Plus, they love it when I cook and my Dad sometimes tells me, “mija this is better than Denny’s” LOL. So I can make sure to do what I need to do and still do what I want to do.
It used to be so hard for me to even think that what I needed for myself was worth anything much less saying what I needed. Instead of stomping around all ‘enojada’ and being miserable and letting my frustration eat away at me, how cool was it to be “aventada”, stand up for myself, and put some power into my feelings and vocalize them. Also very significant: I was able to claim my power WITHOUT taking my parent’s power or spirit away.
Having your own back also means that it’s important to take time out to know what you want in your life so that you CAN support your needs and goals … instead of always putting others first. So many of us take care of others…and many times we don’t take care of ourselves…that’s how pendejadas and stupid decisions are made!
Taking care of yourself will make it easier for you to be there for others…and it will make you easier to be around.
Love it! Inner Chingona is working it!