As I learned in my class night, everyone reaches that point, that point where you say to yourself, “ya estuvo, no more”. I was very surprised to reach this point yesterday and, more important, recognize it.
Regular readers know that I have been thru a very complicated and painful year, where I literally had to start over in all areas of my life. Almost a year ago to the day, I was in the major throes of the drama, thinking to myself, “HOW did I get into this situation? HOW do I get out of this situation? All I want is PEACE! Will I ever feel normal again?”
When asked last night in class to explain the exact moment where I reached the point of no return, I could offer no answers. I don’t know, maybe I blocked it out. Because it seemed that for every good thing that was happening or about to happen in my life, here would come some ‘trancazo’ to throw me onto the ground and twenty steps back. I remember feeling so numb and unfocused one minute and completely devastated the next. Actually, I’m a little afraid to find out what the moment is that I may have blocked out, it was likely heavy-duty.
This is why I’m convinced that my Inner Chingona was working with God, Jesus, and the Virgen of G. There is no way that I could have made the moves that I did on my own, I had nothing left in me. To go from one job to another from one town to another from one home to another in such a short amount of time after so much had happened to me … and to do so with my poise and professionalism somewhat intact … I had to have had some help. All I knew at that time was that I needed to get out of the situation I was in the fastest and quietest way that I could.
Fast forward to the phone call I received yesterday, where I just KNEW that I was so over the drama, over the threats, over the fear, over the massive pendejadas, over the “dale con lo mismo”, just over it. I remember leaving my office to let this person know what was up and, surprise, when he hung up on me, I stood there in the street catching my breath, knowing that, for the first time in a very long time, that I was able to pinpoint the exact moment and second that I moved one step forward and took some of my power back: 3:24pm.
Se dice facil: it’s easier said than done, that’s for sure. Maybe it wasn’t done in the most elegant way, cussing into a phone in the middle of the street, but it was, most definitely, what was needed to be done that minute. Especially after trying to take the high road for more than a year, it was time to work with Inner Chingona instead of letting her do all of the work.