Inner Chingona and Anniversaries: One Year of Stability

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Today, to the day, after a very violent argument where my keys were taken straight out of the ignition leaving me stranded, I had to channel Inner Chingona like never before…my personal life and situation was no longer personal, it was completely unraveling, affecting every single area of my life.   That night, I remember telling myself that this was IT, that I finally had to do something, that it was time to stop living in fear and try to get myself back together.   I was so exhausted from trying to keep it all together, trying to make sense of the madness, trying to figure out how to get out of the mess.

All I could think of to do was to physically remove myself from my home, my career, my friends, my life as I knew it.    That fateful Friday night, exactly one year ago today, was the first step forward that I had taken in a very long time.    That night, I didn’t over think anything, didn’t berate myself for the choices that I had made, didn’t do anything but decide that I was worth standing up for, that NO one would be able to walk this road but me.   God was very much with me during the next 24 hours as I was able to get help, get home, and start my new life — not knowing what would happen or where I would end up.

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Fast forward to today, one year later, one year of living in stability.   My life may not be exactly what I want, where I want, how I want it — but I am able to sleep at night and think clearly about what my next moves will be.   I’m forever grateful to my primo Ricky who had a great talk with me on that fateful night along with the members of G530 who taught me, by their example, how to put one foot in front of the other even when things are crazy and to never give up.     I used to be naïve, pendeja, if you will.  Now, experience has taught me that I need to be smarter as I work my way to trusting people and situations and to never, ever, ever, doubt that little voice inside me – that powerful combination of intuition and Inner Chingona who pulled me out of that dark, ugly, night one year ago.

I never imagined that things would get so bad for me and, conversely, never imagined that anything could change.  But change it has, and it is still evolving every day.  Sometimes  completely changing it up for a minute allows one to move forward, at least it did for me.

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Inner Chingona + Milestone + No Te Rajes = Temblando as I plan my first SOLO event

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When I saw this picture, it hit me that I am determined.  Determined to put one foot in front of the other.  Determined to make things happen in 2013.  Determined to fulfill one of my life goals as long as I can remember:  putting on my own event.

It feels like I’ve been planning events my entire life.   While there is always a crew behind you, the real event planners will often say that, at the end of the day, when others are kicking back, partying,  or sleeping, that they are working it, crunching numbers, putting plans together, making and updating ‘to-do’ lists, putting ideas down for making the event better, writing that last email, making that last phone call…I totally relate to this and do some of my best creative work when I’m alone in my office, in front of my laptop, or in my Jeep as I drive — blasting music helps me envision how an event will be.

The difference between my entire life and right now is that I always had someone else’s resources and money to guide me along the planning process…I was forever submitting budgets, hoping to get that ok, and then cussing under my breath when I had to reduce the budget for some reason or another.   I learned how to make things happen one way or another and my goal has always been to have everything run smoothly…I’ve got a bunch of letters and emails giving me my props for ‘an event well-done’, for making it all appear easy…

Fast forward to today:  my first solo event ever will take place in a matter of days…so here I sit on a Sunday afternoon:  working it, updating my ‘to-do’ list, trying to find ways to make the event work better, sending out email, making phone calls and, of course, blasting musica LOL   In fact, I know that it’s getting close because I’m being constantly interrupted today to tend to the details!   It’s kind of scary albeit exciting to know that this is ME putting this event together – on my own -on my dime –  no huge budget – no real safety net.

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I have to say, that, for the most part, things are progressing as they should … from dealing with the venue to getting commercials produced and placed — just trying to find the motivation needed for the final stretch to get the word out, to get the word out, to get the word out.   I’m also laughing at myself when the ‘diva’ in me comes out when I have to do things like get flyers out there — you see, I had people to do this for me in my former life LOL    So I’m most def out of practice!

Making this milestone happen will do wonders for me as I will be able to say that I rose to the challenge, started, and FINISHED one of my life goals.   I’m already learning so much  more about putting events together which is always a huge plus and it will be fun to see how people react on the day of the event!   I’ll get the boost of self-esteem that I need to eventually move into my next goal of producing events full-time.   Just need to keep on keepin’ on and work the details every day with Inner Chingona aaaaaand PRAY that people show up and that I have perfect festival weather:  which, in case you didn’t know, is 88 degrees and sunny!

‘A rajarse a su rancho!”  as my BFF says…there’s no turning back now.

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