A lot of times, we tend to jump into situations and relationships without dealing with what went down in the last ones. This has been how I’ve handled things for many, many years. I’ve promised myself to finally deal with things and, while it may seem like I’m being more distant or uninterested … truth is, I’m extremely focused on getting my ish together. No doubt about it, Inner Chingona has her work cut out for her!
It is so not easy to pick up the pieces of your life and to look at each one for WHAT IT IS…not what you wish it to be, not what you want it to be, not what you’ve told yourself how it is, but to see the good for the good, the bad for the bad, the ugly for the ugly.
Once you start working on your life like this, and you walk thru an ugly truth or unpleasant situation, you really do become humbled. At least I do. I realize that, no, I haven’t been all that and then, thankfully, I am told to be kind with myself, to not beat myself up for the mistakes that I may have made in my life. I have lost count of the times that I’ve been down on myself for one thing or another only to have someone show me how I was able to get thru certain situations and ‘work it’. It’s amazing how easy it is for me to throw myself into the fire for something that I did or didn’t do. What I’m learning is to accept is that it’s important that I build myself back up. Because if I don’t learn how to ‘work it’ for myself emotionally, then it will never be a ‘fair fight’, and that my feelings and emotions will be at the mercy of someone else along with all of their lameass baggage that THEY haven’t dealt with … as if I don’t have enough of my own.
I’ve found that going back to the very basics has really helped me as I put myself back together: hang out with familia and people whom I really trust and who I can have fun with, carve out that all-important ‘me’ time, stay within a learning curve in all aspects of my life, shut the f up sometimes and LISTEN before I react to certain people or situations, have that all-important safe place and person to tell your business to and to keep you in check!
I’ve also been reviewing what projects or goals that I had for myself that got interrupted with all of my personal drama…it is all about closing the circle and finishing up so that I will have room for all of the new goals and plans that I am making for myself. Once I started getting a little of my power back, I tried to get everything done that I couldn’t do when I was in crisis; turns out, for some of these goals, that the timing was off, it was not the right time.
Key to all of this is Inner Chingona timing — which, for me, means that the timeline is not set in stone, that I don’t have to be completely this or that way by a certain time. I found, that by making the committment to work on myself, that I’ve been able to now see the effect of a bunch of small, albeit significant, changes has had with me. The main one that I happily discovered was that, yes, I have great coping skills and have been able to operate and make the necessary changes WHILE crisis was swirling all around me … not easy. The other significant change has been that I’m finally learning how to make boundaries … how far I will or will not go and, more important, how far I will let someone have control of my life power…or not.