Writing 101 Challenge: Serial Loss

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Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.  This is an exercize on doing serial writing, that is writing about something in a series – so more to come…

 

The negative side of FEAR used to rule my life.  I used to be afraid of so many things, many of these things unknowns or things that hadn’t even happened yet and, there I was, all miedosa/afraid, so many times I would work myself up so much that I became immobile and unable to do anything.  F-E-A-R  Forgetting Everything And Running has done little to help me move forward and achieving any of the goals that I have set for myself.   I am the oldest in my fam so I had really no one before me to show me the way.  I remember my first days in kindergarten, I was so afraid to be without my familia and my sister especially that I was literally sick and cried every day for months.  I remember my kindergarten teacher being so insensitive that I finally stopped talking altogether.  Reports would come in that I was very withdrawn and there was a huge concern as to why I wouldn’t talk in class.  I spent the majority of recess inside as a punishment for not speaking in class.   Once I got to First Grade, it was night and day.  I had a great teacher and, from that point on, no one would have ever believed that I was so depressed and withdrawn.  Although I did do much better, a good part of the fear and the pressure of being the first, the one that had to do well, etc.  stayed with me for years and years.  Living with fear seemed easier at the time…

After many years and some crazy and intense life experiences, it became less important for me to be the example for my siblings, to be the one who always succeeded, to the first at anything.  My years of trying to be perfect were completely out of fear – fear of failure, fear of success, fear of everything.   My familia, especially, were the ones to remind me that everyone makes mistakes, that I am no different.  That the recent years of bad luck and negativity would only be changed if I lost this crazyass desire to please everyone and to learn how to face life instead of run from it.  Once I learned how to befriend the positive side of fear,  I started to see F-E-A-R as Face Everything And Rise…but this did not happen overnight…

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