16 weeks since Mama left us. A little less than 16 weeks before she told us of the plan that she had with God to do things “their” way. It probably took me more than 16 days to accept this and Mama was with us a little less than 16 weeks after that…she was preparing us for now. I miss her so much. I first met my mother face-to-face on July 16th so 16 has always been a lucky number for me. I’ll strive to remember the importance of embracing change each month instead of fighting it.
What have I learned on this 16th day of this month?
1. Survival: If I can survive the loss of my mother, then I can survive anything. I’ve had some crazy things thrown at me lately, people have tried to bring me down and destroy my spirit again. When your mother is no longer here, your life changes dramatically, gone is the patience for, as Mama used to say, idiocies. Negative people and situations are just that … and these people and situations will not bring my mother back, so ‘ para que darles importancia’? No need for me to get all caught up into senseless drama.
2. Faith: I know that God exists. My mother went without food or water for weeks and I am amazed that, in the end, she looked beautiful, not emaciated or withered away. I am convinced that she was in God’s hands especially then. God was with me when Mama has some really bad moments and I was able to think clearly and move forward thru my fear and tears. I feel really bad that I was the one who totally tried to force food, water, and medicine into her body. I now know that I was only trying to stop the inevitable and that “their plan” was the right plan.
3. Priorities: My list of “important” things and goals is completely different. When I think back to just a few years ago when I would move around, move away, and distract myself with my career and lots of unhealthy choices — anything to steer clear of dealing with my personal life or familia, I struggled to forgive myself for staying away. I used to think that if I put family first, that I would not be able to have both, that I would never be able to have my personal goals and identity. How wrong I have been. I cannot believe how much I have able to accomplish in ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE once I embraced 100% my place within my family and my personal obligation to myself. The most recent accomplishment has been in working thru my financial mess of a life. I was pleasantly shocked at my progress as I’ve been able to bring down a good chunk of my personal debt, still help my familia and still take care of myself. The blessings started to come and my life became so much more peaceful when my family became #1.
4. Patience. Just work it, a little at a time, and I will eventually achieve my goals. Mama taught me to “Let Go and Let God” and, after having her in my life, I saw first-hand, that this worked every time.
5. Laughter Goes A Long Way. My mom used to have these really infectious laugh attacks so, even on bad days, she was still able to find the humor in life too. I used to love it whenever she would LAUGH at something I said or did. More than that, I LOVED knowing that she was having a happy or fun moment. My dad has always had a great sense of humor and always has us smiling with the things that he comes out with and we do a lot of laughing. In his hilarious way, he takes good care of us.
Right before I was going to publish this post, sis LG sends me a text telling me that the number 16 was very significant in the Bible…being that she’s Mama’s Mini-Me, I smiled as it was so something that Margaret would have brought to my attention!