For the past few months, everything has felt like such a mess, like as if my life and my goals were flying about in the wind as if they were pieces of paper, and there I was trying to catch these pieces of paper as if my life depended on it. After what has seemed like loss, loss, and more loss, I feel like I’m being led to a calmer way of life, to really start thinking about what my next moves in life will be, to lose the drama, to, as a good friend says, “divorce myself from engaging” from people and situations that no longer serve me.
It’s about time! As I sit here and think about how I’ve lived and loved the past few years — unbalanced, yes. unhealthy, yes. fun, yes. stressful and driven, always. Some of the decisions that I have made overwhelm me with guilt, remorse, regret. It’s like I went from living just for me 100% which ended up being straight-up empty to living to do everything right for others — at some expense to myself and my goals. I wish that I had learned how to honor and listen to my Inner Chingona much sooner so that I would have had a more positive and healthy approach to everything in my life. Lo hecho hecho esta and I now fully intend to balance what I have to do and still do those things that I love, hang with people who love and respect me, and realign my priorities and goals so that I can live a more healthy life versus a stressful and driven one. To live more passionately and goal-oriented, to stand up for myself and to stop letting myself down. I always try to come up with four things I need to work on to get myself together. My four short-term goals from October 4th (my other birthday) to the end of 2015 are:
-Being there and spending time with my familia is important.
-Believing and having faith that God will guide me to the right path.
-Lose my fear of working it for myself the way I used to do for others.
-Accept that, while I have done and said some stupid things, that I also have done things that do fill me with pride and that I need to own that!
OMG! Do you see anything that says I must succeed in my career at the cost of everything else? Not any more. I’m ready to work hard for something I love, but what would that be? Sepa … who knows? Giving up a little of the control-freakness is actually a relief. Not knowing what comes next is kind of exciting, especially as I intend to embrace anything positive. All of this loss happened for a reason. The main silver lining right now is that I have had to start over from zero in many areas of my life and I have come through it all in one piece. I have a few more rough days as I let go and let God pull me out of negativity and back on the path to living with passion, purpose, and a positive outlook. Ready, Set, Go!