Experiencing a profound loss is overwhelming and I have found that, by sharing stories with others, I have been able to find great stories of healing and hope and things that allow people to keep on keeping on…
At the very beginning of loss, it’s really hard to deal with sharing — you’re just trying to get thru the day without crying or withdrawing. I found that for all of the people who have shared with me, they lost their loved one around the time Mama left us or before. The one thing that my control-freak personality had to accept was that I was completely lost and without the energy to find my bearings for a very long time. It has been really strange to have had to literally stop everything I was doing and start doing things another way. When I’ve shared this with others, I was stunned to find that they ALL felt the same sense of loss and I love and relate to some of the stories…I felt a lot of comfort by hearing others share their grief with me and thought you’d like to hear how some of these folks have dealt with loss, here are their thoughts in no particular order:
Dreams: “I kept seeing and dreaming my mother after she passed away and, while it was nice, the one thing that I noticed in the dream that I could not feel or hold my mother. One day, I just prayed to God asking Him to let me feel ‘el abrazo’ from my mother. A couple of days later, she comes to me in my dream and holds out her arms to me, and when I run to her arms, I could FEEL her! She rocked me like she did when I was a little boy and then I woke up…happy!”
Things I Miss: ” I miss her ‘tortilla-scented hands”
Special Places: I have a special quiet little spot in our home where I have his ashes, old pictures, things like his car keys, etc. I always stop there and say a few words of hope. Time heals.
Priorities Change: “You change your priorities, almost without thinking about it. The little things start to mean a lot, spending time with your loved ones who are left become your most treasured gifts. Everything else becomes ‘segundo plato’, takes second place. That you submit to these changes willingly will surprise you the most.”
You Lose Patience for BS: This one had me laughing the most because I was so invested in other people’s drama and BS that I had a difficult time living my own life. To hear others tell about how they don’t give a sh&% about things that they cannot control and people and their drama issues had me saying one big “Yup!”
Live Your Own Life Your Own Way, Let Others Do the Same is the main thing I have learned during this past year. The crazy thing is that Mama had been telling me for YEARS that I needed to take care of myself first and to stop the madness of running on empty all of the tine and still keep going. Now I get it! As I embrace change, it is so much easier than I thought to live in a more concise manner: loving, remembering and mourning Mama in my own way, learning to be there for my loved ones and learning to love and have patience for myself.
It’s very comforting to know that I am not alone, that my familia and friends have either gone thru, are going thru, or may go thru this type of loss. Life goes on.