Ya Es Hora: Turn Thought Into Action

confidence-wordle

It seems as I’ve been on a constant journey to find my place in this world, to find something to achieve, to climb that mountain, to walk that mile. I always remember how I could move forward, from a very early age, to get what I wanted. While the tactics have changed dramatically with every ‘logro’. I could always see the big picture. Once I had achieved goal 1, my eye was always on finishing goals 2 or 3.

So, to come to a point in my life where it all stops has been straight-up scary, emotional, crazy, and unbelievable, not to mention humbling.  Getting myself from Point A to Point B, which used to be ‘asi de facil’ now seem so overwhelming and insurmountable some days. My process has always been to turn inward and basically hibernate as I figured things out. This was easier when I was living on my own, I could be in my own house and think, see, feel, say, do whatever I wanted. No one has ever seen that side of my life, until very recently. Dad worries about me when he sees me like this, “mija, go somewhere, you need to go be with your friends”, I know he cares but what I need is to be comfortable in my “safe space” these days.   There HAS to be a reason why I’m left to figure out my next moves in the place where it all started:  at the Ranch, in my home, in the “girls’ room”.  This was the place where I first started to dream about what I wanted for my life.  Full circle.

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A lot of women of a certain age hit this ceiling – been there done that, where you feel adrift, lost, not-cool, not ‘in’, washed-up. I was relieved to see that I am not the only person who goes thru this. Lots of women “are less likely to share their opinions in a group of people, most likely to apologize for things that aren’t their fault, less likely to take risks, more likely to take criticism personally and less likely to consider themselves competent in their work” (Allison Fallon, 2015) Who hasn’t had these thoughts? Have you had the courage to voice these thoughts, even to yourself? I want this back:  it will require a lot more than wishful thinking. I love this quote:

“CONFIDENCE IS THE STUFF THAT TURNS THOUGHTS INTO ACTION”                                            (Richard Petty, Kay & Shipman, 2014).

To live the kind of life I want to live now requires mega confidence. I want to work when I want, how I want, on projects I want – easier said than done. Making things happen is what I’ve always done my entire life. The difference being that I was making things happen for s o m e o n e  e l s e. Easier because it wasn’t my money, not my resources, not my problem if things didn’t go as planned, I could always walk away and continue with my life. Now that I’ve come to the edge, the ‘now or never’, the fork in the road, the ‘do or die’, it is time for me to do some major work.

Not everything or everyone is invited or welcome on my journey, I have got to take this time and get those things, situations, and people weighing me down out of my life, my thoughts in order, my plan worked up, and I’ve got to get through my lack of self-confidence. It’s time to stop thinking that I’m “lucky”, like I haven’t worked my ass off to be here, it’s like I’m ready, but my body and mind don’t believe me yet.

Therefore, the remaining 2016 posts will be dedicated to getting myself in training to receive 2017 opportunities,           and to B E L I E V E that this is how things are gonna go. I will be driving this car, once and for all, back to Confidence. There is no way that I’m going out like this, with no fight. But the first task is to stop seeing myself through someone else’s eyes …

TO BE CONTINUED

One thought on “Ya Es Hora: Turn Thought Into Action

  1. wonderful piece carmen; extemely insightful. ur doen the “work” of life; it never ends, but it is supposed to get more focused; more efficient and yes, more pleasurable. all those factors u note in ur post; they are all very, very real and usually, for most of us, these “considerations” remain safely and securely locked in our brains/hearts because they are very personal and many folks don’t see the value, and emotional/psychological benefit of sharing—to say nothing of the gift u give to the world by doing so (sharing ur thoughts).

    i see u as courageous; always have. i remember ur complete and total dedication to ur academic work; ur professional commitments as u continued to progress; and most importantly, ur complete dedication to familia, with emphasis on ur “papitos” (next gen) and ur beloved elders. i find it “super-healthy” and highly pragmatic to be concerned about ur next move(s); to do ur best to discern how u will “fund” this part of ur life. but in my view, this is where u r in ur life; this new horizon, and u HAVE TO do whatchu gotta do just as u have for the totality of your life. cuando te estas “ensusiando” por todos lados (shitting urself) and ur lil’ heart beats faster due to excitement and feelin’ “scurred,” juss remember that ur right to feel this way, but it ain’t nothin’ new—“similar exciting ‘mierda,’ but a different day!”

    if my “feria” is funny, and i cannot plan within reason, i am not a happy “metzican;” like furreal dough!! but even in those ruff moments, it’s in that space (like the one u create when u put urself on time-out in ur safe space), where i find i do the most growing. the “tactic” or approach that is my “go-to mode of operation,” and all time fave response, is to “do” that which is most familiar and produces immediate results. so de vez en cuando u’ll c me “en chinga” cleaning my home; bustin’ out them home-made tortillas so i can channel my mom and feel all warm and fuzzy; or simply forcing my ole lungs to work harder by goen on an “inspired” wog (something between a spirited walk and a very slow jog). by engaging in these familiar activities, i get some rest from my thoughts cuz now i’m out of my head; i build my sense of personal value cuz i complete a task(s) in which i have been successful; and most importantly, i spend that time getting closer to my idea of God and talking with my mother (she’s bin dead for 17 years and we still talk almost every day). it’s in these ruff times that i feel even closer to God and mom and for that i am grateful.

    so keep mr. torres in the loop; letting him know that when u put urself on “time-out” this is ur way of processing life. and, if u can and u feel comfortable enough with him, let him know how he can help you. all our loved-ones want for us is to be good with life. my mom always said that “el mejor rregalo k mis hijos me pueden dar es vivir una buena vida.” as some wisdom kicked in for my own life, i remember thinking about the profoundness of that statement; homegurl (mom) juss wanted to ensure that her babies were good with life; that all her “esfuersos” (sp?) brought about decent, hard-working and grateful human beings. i believe, with some exception, she was pleased with the end results overall. i think the same applies to u and all the members of ur familia. indeed, i think u guyz (all of u) really rocked the whole familia/rancho experience with lots of love, joy, dedication to familia, success, and personal value.

    so yeah, when u feel the “excitement and hesitation/fear” of the next step in ur life, think about all the good that u’ve experienced in ur healthy, blessed life. it hasn’t all been “duraznos y crema,” but it’s bin ur life and u’ve been successful with it to this day. and you know, u’ll continue to be successful with it cuz that’s what ur life’s history show—success in its various shapes and forms all along the way.

    te me cuidas y emailiamos de nuevo. so the question is, “how do u eat an elephant?” answer: one pinche bite at a time, y con ganas!! i love this, what, idiom or expression. this is how i choose to do life; on glorious, delicious bite at a time y tranquilito. abrazos….2bro4life!!

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