I hadn’t jumped rope in many years.
It took me forever to get started, to anticipate the exact moment when I would need to jump over that piece of string. I noticed that when I would think too much about the jump that it became more difficult to do it, and do it on time. I kept at it and finally I started to get a rhythm going. But, again, once I thought too much about it, I would stumble and get all caught up in that rope.
Jumping rope taught me a couple of lessons: one, I was out of shape; two, I had been living my life so tentatively, hesitating on every detail, living in fear, that I was hopelessly in my own way thus could not move forward. I decided that maybe jumping rope would move me out of my comfort zone a little. If I listen to the sound of the rope as it hits the ground and then jump, that I might be able to live life without so much hesitation.
Hesitation is driven by fear: fear of what is going to happen “if” I do this or that; fear of what others may think, fear of making the wrong decision, fear of ____, fill in the blank.
I noticed that I was really tentative as I drove this past week, the first week without massive rain. I had been driving for weeks with hands clenched to the wheel, trying to avoid getting into an accident, trying to avoid potholes that seemed to grow larger with every raindrop, trying to remain patient thru some of the worst traffic ever. One would think that, once the sun came out, that I would be flying across the freeways, NOT. Add to this, one of the headlights of the Jeep had gone out after I drove past a deep pothole in the rain…so it was harder to see the road on some of those stormy nights.
Once I noticed how tentative and hesitant I had become, I started trying to get the heck out of my way so that I could do simple things like pay bills, get the headlight fixed, get to where I needed to be on time. Every time I completed one of these goals, I would feel this massive release of nervous energy from my body, sometimes it would be so intense that I had to take a minute to catch my breath. it would feel as if chorros were coming on! Your body really does sense things before you can get your hands around it, I didn’t even realize how much of my life I had started to suppress out of fear.
It had also been difficult for me to reach out to others lately. Fear of letting go, of having people see that my life is not perfect and “together”, of having to give before receiving. Withdrawal had been my refuge for these past couple of years. It was just easier to step back and not have to talk to anyone, not have to explain anything about this man or his most recent actions, and shield myself from the world.
But, like jumping rope, one has to learn to live life without hesitation. Not everyone is out to destroy you or your reputation, every decision does not have to be a matter of life or death, and merely existing is not living. I am open to anything that gets me back on my track in a positive way. I would have never, ever thought that something so simple as a piece of rope would be part of my InnerChingonaSupportSystem yet here we are. Can’t wait to buy a sturdy jump rope! I made one key decision last night: I told Dad that I wanted him to hit up Home Depot and find me some rope just like the one in the picture LOL and you better know that he’s on it, he even tells me, “mija, you’re gonna need handles too, I’ll find them!” See?? I reached out to someone (Dad), I made a decision (to jump rope) and did not hesitate, now let’s hope that ‘no me doy en la madre’!
DON’T HESITATE. BECAUSE THERE CAN BE SOMEONE WHO WILL NOT HESITATE TO TAKE YOUR CHANCE.