New Year. New Challenges. New Resolutions.
I’ve gone back and forth on this challenge. Should I sign up? Should I take a break? Que hago? What do I have to say that I didn’t already say in #52essays2017?
Everytime I think about starting up again, I realize that I don’t want to do the same ole, same ole. I want my 2018 to be different and I want to keep challenging myself in my writing, in my personal growth, in my professional goals.
Let’s put it this way. I want to live 2018 like I did the last month of 2017, a la brava, without a net, working it, not knowing what was going to happen next. I want to take that confidence that I gained, those huevos that I somehow found, and live my life with a little bit of “chorros”, nerves, or excitement of not really knowing what is going to happen next, where I’m sweating it out, saying to myself, “can I do this? can I make this happen? HOW will I make this happen?”
As I move toward living my life with more “aventada-ness” than ever, I am jumping on a plane tomorrow night to one of my “hometowns”, do I have a plan? Not really, just want to visit my FamFriends, as many as I can in one weekend. I’m actually nervous about this believe it or not, why? Because I tend to have everything planned out all of the time and while I have the very basics planned, like a flight and a car, I have no clue what I am going to do for the weekend, I haven’t even packed my bag yet. I do want to travel light this time, basic clothes, my own pillow and blanket, a book, and my laptop. And driving? what if I get lost? what if my gps/phone doesn’t work? how will I deal with black ice? Jeez, I’m getting on my own nerves.
Turns out, this trip is key for me starting off 2018 with my “mevalemadre” attitude front and center. I look forward to this time to THINK, to think about the first chapter of my writing, to think about my events, to think about my place in the familia and how I intend to manage things, to think about how to use my energy to my advantage, not in burning out. Now that I write this, I almost wish that I wasn’t flying, I wish that I was taking a road trip in my Jeep LOL. Looking at life from a window I used to see every day will help me to remember how far I’ve come — that feeling of ‘OMG, can I do this?’ when I first moved there, knowing NO one, daring myself to “do it” so that I would never be able to say that I didn’t jump when it was time to make a move for life.
Older and wiser, it’s so easy to look back versus looking forward. So easy to become complacent, so easy to say “been there, done that”, so easy to stop yourself from doing new things because you “know” it will be a lot of work, hassle, drama, etc. But for me, complacency is like death. So I push myself. I always try to learn how to do something better, or to work it more confidently in my business, to become more efficient/effective, to find balance in my life. I hope that I never lose that sense of ‘aventada-ness’ and, now that I’ve put my fears in writing and in the light of day, I’m now excited about 2018 and am good with not knowing what comes next, not knowing what I’ll write next.