It was December 31st. I was sitting at home and feeling hesitant and excited at the same time.
I had decided that I wanted to spend my New Year’s Eve alone and found what I wrote over the weekend:
I want to spend New Year’s Eve alone, I do not feel like fake sentiment, I do not feel like hearing the noise of ringing in another year. Don’t get me wrong, I feel grateful to see another year, and admit that I’m not as jodida at the end of this year as I had been in other years. However, I feel the need to rejoice and celebrate in complete silence, in a very quiet way. I do not want to babysit anyone, to ensure that everyone is having a fun time, I want to be still with myself, my thoughts.
Celebrating alone is not something that I have really ever done, I’ve never admitted that I wanted to be by myself for once, who would believe it? After all, my family’s holiday has always been New Year’s Eve, always with a huge party/dance, ever since I can remember. I’ve always been involved in some event or another all up in the mix from start to finish. I think that the last time I stayed home on New Year’s Eve was when I was packing up my place in Denver, getting ready to come back to California. I was so busy, I didn’t think about it.
This time, however, I felt the true need to recharge, not only was I burnt-out physically, I was burnt-out spiritually. The thought of being able to stay home and not have to be “on” felt almost like I was going to go out, party and throw down shots, that’s how exciting it was for me.
When the clock struck midnight, I was watching a movie and lounging in the recliner in my clean, quiet, house and I even whispered “Happy New Year” to myself. Relaxed, rested, rejoicing in the promise of what 2019 will bring and thanking GodJesusVirgenOfG that my family understood my need to celebrate a solas and to start thinking about how I want to spend this new year.
Sometimes you have to shake things up to get yourself back on track. Worked for me.