QueQUE? Celebrating A Solas

It was December 31st.  I was sitting at home and feeling hesitant and excited at the same time.

I had decided that I wanted to spend my New Year’s Eve alone and found what I wrote over the weekend:

I want to spend New Year’s Eve alone, I do not feel like fake sentiment, I do not feel like hearing the noise of ringing in another year. Don’t get me wrong, I feel grateful to see another year, and admit that I’m not as jodida at the end of this year as I had been in other years. However, I feel the need to rejoice and celebrate in complete silence, in a very quiet way. I do not want to babysit anyone, to ensure that everyone is having a fun time, I want to be still with myself, my thoughts.

Celebrating alone is not something that I have really ever done, I’ve never admitted that I wanted to be by myself for once, who would believe it?  After all, my family’s holiday has always been New Year’s Eve, always with a huge party/dance, ever since I can remember.  I’ve always been involved in some event or another all up in the mix from start to finish.  I think that the last time I stayed home on New Year’s Eve was when I was packing up my place in Denver, getting ready to come back to California.  I was so busy, I didn’t think about it.

This time, however, I felt the true need to recharge, not only was I burnt-out physically, I was burnt-out spiritually.   The thought of being able to stay home and not have to be “on” felt almost like I was going to go out, party and throw down shots, that’s how exciting it was for me.

When the clock struck midnight, I was watching a movie and lounging in the recliner in my clean, quiet, house and I even whispered “Happy New Year” to myself.  Relaxed, rested, rejoicing in the promise of what 2019 will bring and thanking GodJesusVirgenOfG that my family understood my need to celebrate a solas and to start thinking about how I want to spend this new year.

Sometimes you have to shake things up to get yourself back on track.  Worked for me.

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One thought on “QueQUE? Celebrating A Solas

  1. TOTALLY dug the “celebration” of putting oneself on time-out; i do that all the time and i have always loved it, even as a young buck.  heck, some of my fave memories is my first “official, adult, professional apartment,” on f street, and baking my trasero off!  i loved my alone time; my baking; my yoli delrio in the back ground. 

    my ny eve was interesting; hung out with “new” Sun City contacts, some of my gay, ole brothers from the ‘hood.  we were all like 55 and older; all gava except me and rudi (my bud from church that invited me) and a fabulous meal–it wuz sweet.  could have drunk myself wonderfully silly, cuz i wuz only a couple of blocks from my apartment, but juss wudn’t feelin’ it so i didn’t—talk about getting old!! and like u, after the dinner gathering, got dropped off by my boi rudi; got into my comfy jammies and watched some of the nation-wide celebrations and tried to keep warm (this unit is hella cold; another task to be addressed when the funds are saved, right?).  how blessed r we that we can “chill” at home; that we can “treat” ourselves to whatever evening we want (people in it, or not)? god is good comadre; our “efforts” to create life continue to pay off and for that, i am eternally grateful to god and the universe.  bueno hermana, keep sharing ur “world views;” ur interpretations, cuz we all enjoy them, but ONLY if ur feelin’ it.  even if ur feelin’ it during ruff patches in life.  u know, the older we get, or at least me, the more and more “territorial” i get about what i do with EVERY single minute of my day.  and i do this, not out of fear, but instead BECAUSE every minute is sooooo precious, and i’m sure, also tied to the fact that we’re older and we’ve learned some stuff…. god bless u carmen and keep “treating” urself to “self-directed time out sessions.”  i make it a point to treat myself to ANYTHING i wanna do on sundays–i love my sundays!!  and i have always done this, with or without a romantic partner; a roomie.  i was born on a sunday and i celebrate myself every sunday cuz that day is special to me… no one else, just me and god.  feels great!!  abrazos, me.

    ps.  u can post this if u want; sorry for “continuing” to be sucha lazy butt in responding online.  i keep forgetting my “sign-in” info.  bye.

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