What Set Him Off?

#52SlicesOfChingonaLife #52EssaysNextWave 15/52

The first thing I noticed was how hot it was outside.

As I moved closer, I noticed that he was angry, about what, I did not know.

In a split second, he ran towards me and, as I put my hands out to stop him from running full-force into me, it started.

Pummeling me with his fist, scratching me with his fingernails and, when I was able to hold him back by his wrists, the kicking started. I was a combination of stunned and angry. I was not going to be able to stop his rage or get him off of me alone and, thankfully, someone came to help me.

A few minutes later, he was completely calm while I was a bundle of confusion, I did not know what to do, how to act, when I saw how sweet and loving he was after the meltdown.

When I was finally able to sit in my air-conditioned car, the tears came, tears that I couldn’t show at the time. Tears of anger, of impotence, of empathy. What was the trigger? How did I not see what was coming? Could I have stopped him? Did I hurt him when I tried to hold him back?

I had to call my support network to make sure that I was ok, to make sure that I wasn’t crazy for feeling as I did, and for advice of what I could do in the aftermath of this attack.

While the situation was violent, the ‘he’ was not a man, it was a 5-year-old autistic child in full-on meltdown mode. Had it been a man, law enforcement would have been called; in this case, a behavioral specialist was brought in to calm the child down. This lil one was so strong and went at me with all that he had. That’s what really concerned me, that as he gets older and stronger, that the next person he attacks won’t think like I did, they may react violently and this sweet boy could get hurt.

I plan to tell him that it hurt me when he hit me but that I will never be mad at him. I’d like to think that he’ll remember what I tell him and start learning how to better manage his frustration. I really hope so.

Tomorrow is my last day working summer school. Major props to all of you who teach our little ones, it is not for the faint of heart and you mean the world to all of these kiddos. I’ve learned that these lil ones are very easy to love and, most days, they love me right back.