There are few things that rattle me these days. I have to say that the 40 days of Lent, for the most part, worked.
I have always been one to stress and worry, to doubt if things will go right…or wrong…or if they will go at all. I worried about my family, my projects, my job, my health, my car, you name it, I could easily throw myself into my self-inflicted agony instead of facing things head on.
I was ready to make change in my life and with the coming of Lent, it was time. Amongst the four things that I gave up for Lent were doubt and worry. I tripped out on myself because I did pretty good: I would actually stop myself and basically check myself. If you saw me doing the sign of the cross, this was the way that I would calm myself and my drama down LOL. I really tried not to go OFF on my familia just because I was nervous or worrying about this, that or the other. By the time Easter hit, my little ritual was really starting to work and I felt more productive because, yes, I did recognize my worry/fear, and I was able to keep on keeping on with my day.
The one thing that can still send me to the wall, however, is when my Jeep is not running right. This Jeep has seen me thru E V E R Y T H I N G and I know that it is inevitable that it will, one day, tell me that “ya estuvo“. This vehicle has over 320,000 miles on it and for 10 years, never left me on the side of the road, never overheated, never sputtered, nada. However, in the past year, my trusty road dog is starting to show signs of wear and tear. Thankfully, I was always ‘left’ in a parking lot or a gasolinera when the Jeep would break down, the one time I was left at the side of the road was down the street from the house LOL. If I do nothing else, I really keep the Jeep maintenance very regular.
But let that ‘Engine” light come on, let something not sound right, let something not feel right, and I lose my composure. It’s my controlfreakiadaness working overtime: The hardest thing is for me to not control things, can you tell? I know nothing about car repair. I actually have to trust someone (mechanic) to check out the situation, and I have to hope that I will not get burned — that the vehicle will run great and that my pocketbook doesn’t take a beating either. I’ve also noticed that, when the car is not right, that I am unable to get stuff done, that my concentration is waaaaay off. Today is a day that I will need to work through any type of crazyass worrying that I tend to do and get the doubt out of my face!
The real test of the 40 Days of Lent is happening today…aaaaaay! The only way for me to get the pit out of my stomach is to go back to the small steps that I’ve created for myself: doing the sign of the cross, telling JesusGodVirgenOfG what worries me and asking for peace for the minute, face my vehicle issue and stay productive. It appears that I must, again, concentrate on driving the Jeep and not letting it drive me.