What? QueQUE? Dreaming of a Jorge.

#52EssaysNextWave  6/52

The other night I had a dream…here’s what I wrote right after I woke up: “OMG my dream last night. I was all in love with a lil man (short, not tall) who was a gentleman, who did what he said he was gonna do, who respected my fam including Mama who was there and his name was Jorge. I remember his face in the dream and it’s no one I knew or recognized. So Jorge, come out, come out, wherever you are LOL”

Some of the responses to this post were classic and made me LAUGH:

*** Someone told me that your mind can’t make up faces, so people in your dreams that you don’t recognize means that you have seen them somewhere recently, even if you don’t remember like the store or while driving so we should go to wherever you were yesterday working and look for him.

***All the Jorges please line up. Your presence is required immediately.

***Good luck Carmen! And if he has a brother let me know!!

***You remember his face . You have to have an artist draw his face.

and my favorite one…’where you at?’

It’s just fun to have a dream that is not a nightmare, nothing scary, nothing stressful, nothing heavy-duty, no self-help stuff, just something fun.  And you know what folks say, you gotta write those dreams down if you expect them to come true LOL.

Since Mama was in my dream, then maybe she can “mover sus influencias” up there with Him.


Just My Imagination? O que?

#52essays2017   28/52

“You will never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be” –Dexter Yager.

Great quote. Once I read it, all I could say was ‘yup’.

I spent so much time moaning and groaning that I wanted to make a change in my life for so long and that’s where it ended. I decided to open up my mind a little and imagine what my life could be like. There’s no way that I was going to be destined to feel as if I were a failure because of bad judgement or stupidass decisions.

I’ve been reading “Imagine Big” by Terri Savelle Foy. I really like her exercise for starting your new life. Live as if you already have everything you want, write down 20 things that you want to do, be or have. I’ve only gotten that far in the book 🙂

Last night, I decided to write down my 20 things…it turned into 30 and, even then, I thought of a couple more as I was on my drive home. It’s funny, I started out very brief, ‘I want to pay my bills’ and at the end I had such detailed descriptions of what I wanted. It was very liberating to write all of this stuff down and, as I looked back on it this morning, I saw that if I changed the order a little bit, that I could see a road map for my life.

For so long, I could not visualize past my own four walls. I was existing and letting life happen to me – well, regular readers of this blog know what a straight-up disaster that turned out to be. I’m grateful that I have been able to get back into the driver seat of my life.

You become 42% more likely to achieve your goals and dreams, simply by writing them down on a regular basis. –Dr. Gail Matthews, Dominican University

Writing goals down is so powerful.  Thinking about them can overwhelm and sometimes leave you stuck.  Writing starts the ball rolling, opens up your brain, and moves you into action by setting goals.   I journal a LOT and, from time to time, I go and read past entries, and I’m always stunned when some of these goals actually happen!  It’s like I write down what I want or need and GodJesusVirgenOfG and the universe conspire to help me fulfill these dreams.

Try it.  For the next 7 days, find a journal, laptop, piece of paper, and write down your goals/dreams in 4 key areas of your life:

  1. Health & relationships
  2. Love & relationships
  3. Vocation
  4. Time & money freedom

Remember to think as big and bold as you like, write down what you would love to happen, not what you think you can have or what seems possible now, open your imagination, no matter how crazy it sounds.

Things may not change right away but the one thing that WILL change is you.  You will have a clear set of goals and dreams and you begin to have a stake in your own future, you start being aware of opportunities in front of you, your focus starts to get more serious than just randomly thinking about what you want.

I noticed the difference RIGHT away, so many opportunities for me to think about that it’s almost overwhelming.  I know that I will not be able to do everything and that it will be hard to let some things go but where, only a few short months ago, I was hopelessly stuck in ‘whys’ and ‘what ifs’ and ‘I can’ts’, it is great to know that there is life after sadness and that it’s up to me to do my part to make it happen.

I just wrote down my goals last night so it’s too soon to share them with anyone but it will be fun to look back at my journal and see that I have finished what I started!


Loss: It’s Amazing What You Find After Profound Loss


miss you

Experiencing a profound loss is overwhelming and I have found that, by sharing stories with others, I have been able to find great stories of healing and hope and  things that allow people to keep on keeping on…

At the very beginning of loss, it’s really hard to deal with sharing — you’re just trying to get thru the day without crying or withdrawing.  I found that for all of the people who have shared with me, they lost their loved one around the time Mama left us or before.  The one thing that my control-freak personality had to accept was that I was completely lost and without the energy to find my bearings for a very long time.   It has been really strange to have had to literally stop everything I was doing and start doing things another way.  When I’ve shared this with others, I was stunned to find that they ALL felt the same sense of loss and I love and relate to some of the stories…I felt a lot of comfort by hearing others share their grief with me and thought you’d like to hear how some of these folks have dealt with loss, here are their thoughts in no particular order:

Dreams:   “I kept seeing and dreaming my mother after she passed away and, while it was nice, the one thing that I noticed in the dream that I could not feel or hold my mother.   One day, I just prayed to God asking Him to let me feel ‘el abrazo’ from my mother.  A couple of days later, she comes to me in my dream and holds out her arms to me, and when I run to her arms, I could FEEL her!  She rocked me like she did when I was a little boy and then I woke up…happy!”

Things I Miss: ” I miss her ‘tortilla-scented hands”

Special Places:  I have a special quiet little spot in our home where I have his ashes, old pictures, things like his car keys, etc.  I always stop there and say a few words of hope.  Time heals.

Priorities Change:  “You change your priorities, almost without thinking about it.  The little things start to mean a lot, spending time with your loved ones who are left become your most treasured gifts.   Everything else becomes ‘segundo plato’, takes second place.  That you submit to these changes willingly will surprise you the most.”

You Lose Patience for BS:   This one had me laughing the most because I was so invested in other people’s drama and BS that I had a difficult time living my own life.  To hear others tell about how they don’t give a sh&% about things that they cannot control and people and their drama issues had me saying one big “Yup!”

Live Your Own Life Your Own Way, Let Others Do the Same is the main thing I have learned during this past year.  The crazy thing is that Mama had been telling me for YEARS that I needed to take care of myself first and to stop the madness of running on empty all of the tine and still keep going.   Now I get it!  As I embrace change, it is so much easier than I thought to live in a more concise manner:  loving, remembering and mourning Mama in my own way, learning to be there for my loved ones and learning to love and have patience for myself.

It’s very comforting to know that I am not alone, that my familia and friends have either gone thru, are going thru, or may go thru this type of loss.  Life goes on.