Challenge Out of the NoLonjaZone, Phase III and Week 30 of #52essays2017

 

#52essays2017   30/52

Took one look at this lonja and realized that I was way off of my wagon. Last week was my birthday week so I decided that I would have “just a little bit of soda” and “just a little bit of ice cream” – not one day, but almost the entire week.

The combination of crazy heat and my birthday week were conspiring against me LOL.  While I have been doing great, my daily exercise has been inconsistent. Add to this, people are starting to notice that some weight is coming off…no reason for me to get all volada and cease almost all activity, but get all volada and cease I did.

It’s so easy to self-sabotage your efforts by doing what you should not be doing: not taking care of yourself health wise. I was so angry last night when I ordered that soda, I drank it but without much joy. I was also disappointed in myself for trying to open doors that must remain closed in my life: people, situations, unhealthy food, talking myself out of working out.

It’s like I got all volada with things running smoothly and then there I go, dandome en la madre a cada paso, shooting myself in the foot. Like an alcoholic thinking he can handle one drink no problem, like a drug addict thinking that he can handle that extra hit, some things are better left alone.  It’s like I forgot that I’m on a journey, not at my destination.

In order for me to get back on my proverbial wagon, I need to remember that I decided to make many changes in my life for the better. Soooo much good is right around the corner and I have to walk through this insane discomfort of actually getting what I want finally. It’s easier to take myself back to that place where nothing was going right, where I was unhappy, unhealthy, living in fear and misery. It was my “comfort zone” for such a long time. Part of welcoming positive situations, projects, and people into my life involve me actually taking care of myself, instead of giving others my time, energy, money and my nervous system.

Health Challenge officially starts on August 1st.  Just enough time for me to get myself back in gear.

After I eat the last lil bit of chocolate ice cream in the freezer…

>>A note about my #52essays2017 challenge of writing one essay per week this year.  I am at Week 30 and very proud that I have been able to keep up with the writing.  In fact, I’ve written more in this year than I have in my entire life.   It has been this particular writing challenge that showed me that I was indeed able to commit to something, anything.  The confidence gained by keeping this writing commitment has started the ball rolling in fixing other areas of my life.  For this I’m grateful to Vanessa for accepting my into the #52essays2017 challenge and I’m grateful to GodJesusVirgenOfG for putting the right people, situations, and projects on my path.  I’m learning how to take care of myself finally.  Let’s see what life looks like at Week 52.

Advertisements

Tortillas & Your Inner Chingona

13450830_1054807854554767_6416869924856506072_n

If you make tortillas or, at least, warm tortillas on the comal, the best tasting ones are usually the ones that puff up, light, hot, so good you can eat them plain without butter, salt or anything, right off of the griddle, fresh.  Tortilla perfection before you rip it in half to use as utensils as you eat, before the tortilla is filled with food to make a taco; or topped with anything tostada-style, or cut and deep-fried as chips.    Living at the Ranch has me warming tortillas constantly but I never saw the analogy, the power of la tortilla until I saw this photo.

So maybe we’ve got to be the ones that puff up, proud to be who we are, light:  meaning our baggage is not weighing us down thus allowing us to be light-hearted, sangre-liviana, effective, efficient;  hot:  we are confident, powerful, not afraid to be who we are and yes, for some, that’s hot.  So good that we don’t need any frills to get what we want,  to be as authentic as possible, to work it anytime, anywhere and in front of anyone.

Let’s try to remember that puffed-up sensation when someone wants to fill us with information or judgements that make us feel heavy, not satisfied but brought down by drama, stress, or life.  Let’s work at not letting ourselves be topped with someone else’s issues so that we are not covered in their mess.  Avoid situations where we may be cut-up and deep-fried:  and  become burned-out, spiritually and physically.

Tortillas are the ultimate comfort food and the ultimate journey of loving ourselves starts by taking care of ourselves.   Sometimes taking care of ourselves feels like we are on top of that comal – especially when we struggle with seeing ourselves through another’s eyes and we forget how great and capable we are.  Let’s not forget to puff up ESPECIALLY when the heat is on.   Be light, be hot, be great.

 

Happy New Year 2016

feliz ano nuevo

Happy 2016! As I reflect upon this past year, I realize that it has all been about one thing: taking a step back to breathe.

Mama’s passing took it out of me in many ways and much of the year was spent dealing with the fact that she would not be here anymore and that I no longer had to caregive at the level I had done with my dad and siblings for the past few years. For many many weeks, I still woke up at every noise and every few minutes to “check” on Mama. I didn’t really know how to fill the hours when it was “my” day to take care of her.

Carmen was a woman who screamed and shouted for much of this time about how “I want my life back” and how all I did was live out of the boxes…so once I made the decision to STAY at the Ranch and take care of my dad and familia, I even shocked myself. Somewhere along the way, my priorities not only shifted, they completely changed.

My former life had no room for family, friends, or even me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my work and all of my activities and was shocked when this work could no longer sustain and motivate me. In my business, aside from knowing your stuff, you really have to have the drive to push yourself forward to work it, if you want to succeed. Anything less is not enough. I’m sure that it’s like this everywhere but broadcasting is different, the stakes always feel higher, it’s a very small world and the ups and downs in our industry are dramatic to say the least!
6 months into the year, I parted ways with my stations and, instead of feeling devastated, I felt a little bit of relief. I needed something and I needed to find out just what that was.

Now I realize that the past 6 months have been about taking care of me, something I haven’t really ever done. I’m finally listening to my mother and all of the times she used to tell me to take care of myself and to let others help me. This new attitude has made me much stronger emotionally and I make better decisions these days. Family is who is there for you when you cannot be there for yourself; the family foundation is what grounds you as you try to find your way.

There is no room in my life for negative drama; there is no room in my life for anyone who is out there trying to disrupt me by harassing my friends and family. I intend to keep moving forward from this madness that has nothing to do with me anymore and everything to do with how this person deals with, or doesn’t deal with life’s challenges. I can, and will, have my life on my terms, not on anyone else’s. It’s all about standing up for myself, my peace of mind and keeping the important stuff close to my heart and more private for now.

2016 will be about embracing the important things in life: hanging out with Daddy, being with my familia, enjoying all of the #TorresBabies, working out (we finally brought in the exercise bike LOL), getting back to church, being around positive people, situations, and projects in that order.

My wish for you in 2016 is that you find and embrace all that will make you laugh, make you happy, healthy, and successful.